Then and Now

One year ago today, we were on our way to Korea to meet Rai. With suitcases that had been packed ... and repacked ... and repacked, it was certainly a surreal feeling to be on the plane for the 12 1/2 hour flight from Dallas, Texas to Seoul, South Korea.

Here are pictures from April 23, 2009:



Here are pictures from April 23, 2010:

Pictures! (Finally)

Video will be added soon!

Although most of these pictures were taken earlier this month, I wanted to post updated pictures before our next "Mommy-Rai" Day tomorrow. I just went through many of Rai's pictures given to us by Omma/Appa last year and realized that many of the pictures were taken one year ago. I know this time of year must be hard for Omma and Appa, so I hope these pictures will bring smiles to their faces.

Safari Shirt?
Rai LOVES soccer, and with the warmer weather, he LOVES to wear his "soccer shirts." Unfortunately, not every shirt has a soccer ball, so we try to make the other shirts just as exciting. My parents got Rai several safari shirts (with Mickey Mouse), so I tried to make them more appealing by telling Rai we were going on a safari. In other words, I got down all of his stuffed animals (including many I had as a child) from his animal canopy. Here are a few pictures and a video of his adventure!








25 pounds but not to big for a carrier!
Although Rai enjoys the freedom of walking, he loves to be held. Earlier this month, he wanted to be held all day long, so we had to get the carrier back out. He didn't mind being strapped to my back while I vacuumed and made dinner, but he's getting a bit heavy!



Zoo Day!
After several fun trips to the zoo in the past year, I decided that it was worth the cost of joining the Dallas Zoo as a member. Unfortunately, it had been so cold that we hadn't visited much this year until this month. With a nice day of sunshine and warm weather, we rode the DART rail (aka choo-choo train) down to the zoo for the morning. Rai walked most of the time but was exhausted after two hours.





This is one of Rai's two soccer shirts.




Eating a BIG lunch!

Rai still loves yogurt!





Rai's first camel ride (although he kept calling her a "horse")



I Play Soccer Ball!
We have had so many funny moments now that Rai is talking in little sentences. He's learning the differences between "me" and "you" as well as "soccer" (the game) and "soccer ball" (the ball itself). His favorite phrase for nearly two weeks was "Daddy play soccer ball?" or "I play soccer ball!" It took a few weeks, but I think he now understands and says "I play soccer!" The other night, he wanted to play and talk Aaron on the way to the game "No, you take a nap. I play soccer." :-)

Practicing soccer with Auntie Amy




Other Pictures

An Adoption Story

In light of the recent news story involving a mother who sent her adopted child unescorted back to Russia and the recent events which involve re-examining international adoption, I am glad to participate in Adoption Blogger Day.

Adoption Stories - Discovery Health
Many years ago, my parents moved to Virginia for my dad's work, and Aaron and I agreed to live in their house until they could return to Texas. During that time, my mom wanted to keep the satellite TV, despite our warnings that we never watch TV anyway. Well, we did. Aaron found several history or science shows that held his interest, and I found "Adoption Stories" on Discovery Health among other shows. After a few months, I had seen every "Adoption Stories" show and had given some serious thought to adoption. I had never longed to be pregnant, but I knew I wanted to be a mother one day. Luckily, Aaron liked the idea and even watched a few episodes with me.

Adoption Story - The Burnside Family
Our family has a history of domestic adoption, and my interest in adoption is partially derived from the positive experiences with adoptions in our family. I remember watching a very close family member overcome the devastation of meeting a biological parent who didn't share the enthusiasm of meeting for the first time nor matched the image of the biological parent this person had expected. With Rai's adoption, I have become closer to this person and learned more about this person's adoption that I would have otherwise. It is certainly a great connection between this person and Rai.

Rai's Adoption Story
Although it is a bit early to blog about Rai's adoption story since our official family day is later this month, I wanted to take the time to thank everyone involved in Rai's adoption - especially Rai's birthmother and foster family (Omma, Appa, foster sister, and foster brother). I will post pictures, videos, and updates soon, but in the meantime, I thought I would post this video as a reminder of Rai's adoption story.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A Plea to Those Who Read This: Participate in Adoption Blogger Day on Thursday, April 15

The recent news of an American mother sending her adoptive son back to Russia on a plane has shaken more than just the adoption community. After reading a variety of news stories on the situation covering the overview, commentary, and the delegation information in response, I have to admit that there are still many aspects of this story that trouble me.

- Why wasn't the social worker notified about these new behaviors? Our social worker was instrumental in our post-placement visits and welcomed any questions or updates in between our visits as well as after our adoption finalization. Although I know that not every social worker is as helpful, there seems to be a break-down of communication that does not reflect our experiences or the experiences of many adoptive families in our community.

- What level of education was provided/required of this adoptive family prior to this placement? We underwent a weekend training class which covered a variety of topics including the lack of information with some countries. Regardless of the information that was or was not available, is sending a child back to an orphanage which allegedly had "beaten [him] with a broom handle" the best choice of a mother who has applied for another adoption?

- How can we, meaning everyone affected by adoption in some way shape or form, change the reputation of adoption which has been so traumatically damaged by this situation?

Our homestudy agency passed along an announcement regarding "Adoption Blogger Day" and a link to a petition. Those who know me know that I am certainly not a political activist by nature. My political views are often kept private, partially to avoid disagreement with members of my family, but this is not something I take lightly. In our experiences with adoption, I learned more about myself, my family, and what it means to be a parent through this adoption process than I ever imagined, and my heart aches for the families who have been greatly affected by this situation.

I PLEASE ask that those who read this consider participating in "Adoption Blogger Day." Whether you have experiences with an adoption in your own family or have take part in the adoption of another family, PLEASE consider taking a moment on Thursday, April 15th to reflect on this experience. Show people around the world (not just in Russia) that each adoption story does not end in such a tragedy.

Announcement:

We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!

Petition

- Recognizing that the tragic abandonment of Artyem Saviliev is an isolated incident and is not at all indicative of the thousands of successful adoptions between Russia and the Unites States, we, the undersigned:

- Respectfully call on President Medvedev and President Obama to lead an effort to ensure that the rights of children are protected and that every child’s right to a permanent and safe family is not interrupted due to the suspension intercountry adoption services.

- Respectfully call on President Medvedev and President Obama to ensure that their governments aggressively prosecute any individual involved in child abuse to the fullest extent of the law.

To the mother at Kroger...

Two weeks ago, Rai and I went to the grocery store and had a somewhat unpleasant experience because of the action of another mother.

Preface

Let me preface this story by explaining that I, myself, am not Christian. I'm Buddhist. I was brought up culturally Shinto-Buddhist/Agnostic and decided as an adult that I was drawn to Buddhism and its teachings. That being said, I firmly believe that one of my strengths as a mother is a strong sense of open-mindedness and tolerance. Just as the Dalai Lama advocates religious harmony, I have great respect for religions and practices which encourage compassion for others and find that many religious teaching align with those of Buddhism. For example, the Five Precepts in Buddhism are:

1. Act with loving-kindness

2. Be open hearted and generous

3. Practice stillness, simplicity and contentment

4. Speak with truth, clarity and peace

5. Live with mindfulness

This is not to say that I believe all religions are the same, but I believe a respect for others also means a respect for others' beliefs.

Back to the Incident at Kroger

I assume most Americans realize that grocery stores actively remind us of upcoming holidays and seasons. The day after Christmas, we often see a transformation from Christmas decorations and gift wrapping to boxed chocolates and Valentine's Day cards. (It always puzzled me that you might consider buying and then storing chocolates a month and a half early.) So it shouldn't be a surprise that since the day after Valentine's Day, our grocery stores have been filled with bunnies and chicks which come in toy, chocolate, or sugar form in preparation for Easter. Each time we passed the "seasonal" aisle, Rai would point out a huge stuffed animal or candy, and each time I tried to explain with some variation that began "Some people are Christian and celebrate Easter..." I have to admit that I'm not entirely educated about the connection between Christ's resurrection and the Easter egg hunt, but I do my best to make it an educational moment. I had never thought about the reaction of others to this moment until two weeks ago.

After the first few words of my explanation, a woman about two feet away with two children in her cart quickly turned around and gave an awkward, almost suspicious look and started to stare. I was stunned and did what I thought was appropriate, "Can I help you?" My next comment was going to be "I'm sorry, but did I offend you?" but she quickly turned around and went down the aisle.

To the mother at Kroger, I don't know what I said to cause that reaction, but I'm a bit perplexed and somewhat offended that I and my child were given such a look. Is this the type of reaction you would want to see your own children give a stranger? I thought we strive to teach our children that being different is okay. Although fitting into societal norms might be easier on a child, I don't see why I can't show Rai that he doesn't always need to fit in. Whether this is a topic of adoption, religion, sexuality, or his favorite animal, I want Rai to know different is okay.

And if I did offend you, why not say something? It doesn't have to be a confrontation; I would have liked to know. Instead, I left that aisle feeling defensive of my interest in educating my child that not everyone has to celebrate Easter, but the people who do might do this for a reason, beyond a marketing tactic. I'm not even saying that Rai can't celebrate Easter. I'm sure he's had his share of Easter egg hunts. But should I have waited until we were safely out of earshot before I told him why we weren't buying a stuffed rabbit?

April Updates

It has been an eventful few weeks. Although I don't have pictures of everything, I do have some updated pictures to share.

New Smile?

For some reason, Rai has a new smile. From the moment we came home, Rai smiled any time I had the camera in my hand. (You'll notice Rai often poses a smile at the beginning of most videos.) In the past few months, his smile has changed, and now he often squishes his nose. Here are a few examples with some amusing poses:

Enjoying Spring in Texas

There is common saying in Texas: "If you don't like the weather, wait a minute." We had had such gloomy, rainy weather this Spring that it was refreshing to have a week or so of warm, sunny weather. Although my mom, Rai, and I take walks each week, we've had to resort to indoor alternatives, like the shopping mall, up until now. This week, we decided to walk at the nearby park, and it certainly set a calmer, more peaceful mood! Rai likes to look for dogs by calling "Doggy, where are you?" My mom spotting every bird, and I was just glad to see the sun out! Oh and it helps that the park has a playground!

The Beginnings of Toddler Speak

Rai talks a LOT now. Forget two or three word phrases. Rai speaks in short sentences! It's not always easy to understand him, but it's great to heard him imitate entire phrases. He's also learning to respond (or more often imitate) different phrases in other languages. When Aaron leaves, Aaron says "Good-bye" in Korean and Rai knows how to respond (usually). When I leave, I say "Good-bye" in Japanese and Rai responds in Japanese (just repeats). Yes, the response is different in Korea for the person leaving and the person staying, but it is the same for both parties in Japanese.

By the way, Aaron just completed the third level of Korean in Rosetta Stone. Yes, I think that's the equivalent of 3 years in just 4 months. What can I say? He's focused. My Japanese, on the other hand, is still at the first year level. I'm certainly working on it and have more drive now, but Aaron certainly knows more Korean than I know Japanese. Now, we're hoping Rai will pick up more of both.

Tricycle!

Before Rai came home, we picked up a small tricycle for Rai assuming that he would be active enough to ride is shortly after he arrived home. We weren't anticipating, however, that he wouldn't be big enough to ride it. For months, his legs wouldn't even reach the pedals or they would fall off immediately upon turning the handle bars. Today, for the first time, Rai was able to touch the pedals! We cheered him on and tried to show him how to pedal. After about 10 minutes or so, Rai got the hang of this pedaling business and managed to go down the sideway for a few feet without me pushing him. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera nor could I step away long enough without him getting frustrated. Next time we'll have pictures to post.

Long-lasting Friendships

On Wednesday, Rai and I had lunch with Matt, one of my best friends from high school. It brought back so many fun memories of the "nerdy" days of roller hockey, soccer, chess, and GHAC (long story). It's sad that I live so close to several old friends, and yet I rarely meet up with anyone. Rai provided most of the entertainment and seemed to enjoy his helping of Texas BBQ.

Speaking of food, I was treated to the best lunch I've ever had today. I had never heard of Houlihan's until today, but I will most certainly return soon! Thanks Janet (or should I say "Dr. Johnson")! You're a wonderful friend!

And yes, Janet is my blonde twin. We ordered nearly identical drinks. As usual, we couldn't decide from several great selections, so we decided to split two separate entrees. I think we were separated at birth - just a few years apart. :-)

This Time Last Year

Although I am swamped at work, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on my state of mind this time last year.

On April 1, 2009, I posted a blog entry entitled "Bear With Us! As Soon as We Know, You'll Know! :-)" This time last year, we knew Rai's visa physical was complete and were waiting on one important piece of information to learn when we might leave: whether or not he needed a waiver. We knew Rai's prematurity (6 weeks early) and weight at birth (2 pounds, yes 2 pounds) would mean a delay in our travel call, but our fingers were crossed. Unfortunately, the unknown meant an influx of calls and emails to see if we heard. I have to admit, it was so frustrating to not have any news that I purposely didn't check my email or phone messages for days (unless there was something from Holt, of course). It also didn't help that the semester was ending, and I had about 20 versions of my course calendar to adapt to the possible travel dates and resulting changes in assignment deadlines and in-class/online preparation. For my students of Spring 2009, thank you for being patient with me! (In fact, I think they were just as anxious to find out my plans since an early travel call meant more online classes and a possibly extended deadline.)

The travel call did come, though, 20 days later, and within days, we were on a plane on Seoul, South Korea. It's amazing to think that our lives changed so significantly in the past year. Later this month, we will celebrate the one year anniversary of our new family. That being said, we will celebrate quietly as a family of 3 partially to respect any reactions Rai has as we continue to talk about our journey as a family. It certainly helps to be in contact with Rai's Omma (and Appa), but I know that the common reaction that "he's too young to remember" is not true.

To Omma and Appa, thank you for opening your hearts to us and to Rai (Yun-Taek). Thank you for all that you have done to bring us together.

To Rai's birth mother and father, thank you for giving Rai the gift of life. We will make sure Rai realizes that his story begins before his birth with many difficult choices and experiences.

To our family and friends, thank you for being supportive both during the stressful process and in our first year as a family.

I do have updated pictures to post, but it will be this weekend before I have time to upload and post them. Thank you for bearing with this busy mommy! Now back to my grading and conference preparation...