Lifebooks and Family Stories

One year ago today was Thanksgiving Day, and one year ago today was also the day my Aunt Sandy passed away. Only a few hours after our Thanksgiving meal, my cousin left to take her a plate. When she called, I knew immediately why. My Aunt Sandy had lost the will to live many months beforehand, and when she refused to get out of bed, she immediately went downhill. By Thanksgiving Day, she was in no condition to leave the Retirement Home safely and did not seem to be concerned that her unwillingness to get out of bed meant missing Thanksgiving with the family. When we learned that she had passed away in her sleep, part of us was relieved that she would no longer suffer, but part of us was angry (at her for giving up, at us for letting her give up, at everyone). Needless to say, it was a rough holidays of grieving, and it did not help that she wasn't buried until many months later. Although we still grieve the loss of a great woman, the memory of her lives on in our stories. From the moments where she locked my Aunt Pat out of her own home for a good laugh to the many great summers I spent with her, we will have many laughs in her honor this year and many years to come.


This brings me to a slightly different topic. As we prepare for the possible addition of Rai to our family, I am reminded of the many people Rai will never have an opportunity to meet. In addition to those we have lost recently, Rai was born on the same day as Aaron's grandfather, Poppa Bob. I never had the opportunity to meet Poppa Bob but have heard such wonderful stories. Rai will also never meet my grandparents, and I am especially sad that he (and Aaron) will never meet my grandfather, Gordon Burnside.

Now that we are so close to obtaining approval for Rai's adoption, I am starting to plan out a Lifebook for Rai, which tells a story of Rai's life before, during, and after his adoption. It is far different from a typical scrapbook, and it's incredibly personal content allows an adopted child to hear the story of their adoption while understanding that their story is not just an "adoption story." To further emphasize this point, I would like to include a series of pages for each family member in Rai's life. This can include his birth family, his foster family, and his adoptive family (us). I would also like to include pages on the family members Rai will never meet but will shape his memories as he grows older. I want to be sure he remembers hearing the stories of Poppa Bob falling and breaking the toilet just as he hears the stories of his aunt asking what made the tree was scared (petrified tree). So this year, I'd like to ask each family member to donate pictures (scanned is fine) and stories. Although I won't share Rai's personal lifebook publicly, I would be more than happy to share the stories of our family.